New BMW M5

BMW has released a new teaser video of the upcoming M5. In case you’re wondering who the man with the hand signals is–you know the one that keeps interrupting our video of the M5, well it’s Dr. Kay Segler, president of BMW M GmbH.

Categories: Auto Pulpit Tags: ,


Welcome to Okquard! Okquard is a home-grown, apartment-born, world-dominating, media conglomerate. That is in fact, well, fact. It’s understandable if you haven’t heard of us before, as most of our 10,000 year history has been dominated by being a shadow corporation, and trust us, we’ve been involved in some shady stuff.

Like in 9514 BCE, we were responsible for fixing the price of cave walls (sorry for the shortage of cave drawings… well we’re not really sorry, that’s where we made our first fortune). We’re at fault for why no one can figure out quite what Stonehenge is for. Our scientists told us that the decorative paint they had created would be visible for “millennia to come,” but as we all know now, that didn’t pan out. So now everyone thinks it was some ceremonious site… which is sort of true. It involved an athletic ceremony which was similar to what we would call “Pinball” today, but it incorporated the problem members of society. Before you get all up in arms about the whole thing, we assure you that sportsmanship and spectator etiquette were of prime important to these people.

Anyway, to answer the question of why we’ve decided to go public now, well it mainly has to do with getting a “tax holiday” so that we can bring some of our foreign profits home. Unfortunately to do that, we have to be a public company that people like or at least need. So there you have it. Welcome, and enjoy (and like us)!

Categories: Okquard Humor